Rachel's Random Ramblings: Fragmented Sentences

Rachel recapped our summer quite well.  I love her heart and you will too.
~Bonnie




Rachel's Random Ramblings: Fragmented Sentences: I blinked and summer is over. This summer held so many wonderful memories, and it also held memories that I never wanted to come so quickly....

Graduation !!

My graduation girl!!

Our kids--love them very much!

The entire family

Tyler and Hannah with Rachel

Nathan and Margret with Rachel

Watching this girl of mine "walk" as they call it, made my momma's heart

swell with pride and love and gratitude.

Lord, You have done such a work in her.  Continue to reveal Your plan for

her life.  Thank You for walking with her every single day.  Thank You for

the gift of her.  She is unique, crafted by Your hand, in my womb. 

You say she is "fearfully and wonderfully made" and I can testify to this.

Thank You for her graduation day Lord.


You are faithful,
Bonnie

Happy Birthday Brother

Your favorite verse.

My favorite picture of you.

I miss you lots.

Mom is well; her and I had an adventure today.

Your HOPE garden is beautiful, busting with green, promising blooms soon.

The morels aren't up yet.  We used to get scads and scads of those remember?

Only a handful of people remember today is your birthday and I am ok with that.

I don't expect cards in the mail or calls.  I did spend time with Mom today and

that is enough.  Time does not heal wounds brother.  Only God can and does.

But you already know that.  Happy Birthday brother of mine.

I love you always,

Your sister,
Bonnie

Latest news

Funny.  I entitled my last post "A Slice of life, take 2"
and that's what a CT scan does--it takes slices of pictures
in high definition,of your body.

The latest news is this:  After reviewing the last CT scan two radiologists have decided the "lesion"
is a fracture trying to heal.

Two. Thank You Jesus..

I see my oncologist the 13th of May to go over all this; I have no doubt in my mind she'll want to have another test/scan to determine if the "lesion" is gone.

I have no idea how I fractured my rib?

God has once more proven His faithfulness to me, to my family.

Truth is, no one knows their life from one day to the next.

I can plan and attend events, go on vacations, trips and the grocery store.
I can update my prayer lists and tell people good news.
I can call my elite squad of prayer warriors and tell them how fearful I am
and in quiet tones, whisper, "I don't know what I'm gonna do if this is cancer.."

I said that.

James  1 tells me that I am to "count it all joy when I encounter various trials,
knowing that the testing of my faith produces endurance, and let endurance
have its perfect result.."


How do you count some possible clump of cancer cells on your bone, as joy?

I think it means the when of it.  WHEN I encounter a trial
I am to think of it coming into my life as joy
because it
will produce
endurance
for more trials
I encounter.

The little word "let"
means I have to
allow the trial
to consume me
with God's
character,
with Who He is
and How He will help
me.


Thank You God for You are full of strength.
You are my truth.
You are the One Who holds me till my days on
earth are complete.
Thank You for Your very present help
in all this fear inducing trial.

I love you
Me

A Slice of my life in March, take 2

Whose trust is the LORD April 10, 2015

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD and whose trust is the LORD.

For he will be likea tree planted by the the water, that extends its roots by a

stream,

and will not fear when heat comes;

but its leave will be green,

and it will not be anxious in a year of drought

nor cease to yield fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7,8

Friday April 10th, 2015. A day of a CT scan with contrast to discover where

this possible mestastatic bone lesion is. This is what the bone scan revealed last week.

This afternoon, a machine and chemicals highlight my chest's

inner workings, looking for what does or not belong on one of my ribs.

How am I?

Humbled. I feel humbled. This week, I've been blessed, encouraged and blown away

through God's people, their generosity and prayers.

Three meals have been brought to us in the last week.

One came on the heels of a prayer, while I was sobbing with fear,

in front of my daughters, in my kitchen, during spring cleaning..

I specifically asked the Lord to encourage us..

Seconds later, the phone rang with a dear friend's voice telling me

they had made dinner and were bringing it over.

All this transpired before I prayed.

God knows what I need before I even ask..

Another dear friend, in the hospital, in her bed, recovering from major

horrific surgery, prayed for me.

Compassions oozes out this gal and I had come to pray for her?

No, God used her in her bed of recovery, to go to His throne on my behalf.

While I'm gone, another friend brings over dinner for that evening.

I missed them, but they were able to visit with my husband.

I wept when Tim told me they had been by..I had no idea what dinner was

going to be by the way..

Yesterday, I'm getting ready to leave my martial arts class I am so blessed

to be able to instruct, and one of the moms tells me she has a meal in her car.

Is my car open? Yes. Yes. My heart is overflowing with gratitude and praise.

On our way home, with my two youngest daughters, my car smelling like a

wonderfully yummy dinner and me on the phone with my oldest daughter,

a bald eagle springs up from the side of the road!

This guy flew right in front of my car, about 20 feet off the ground, soaring slow,

easy, taking his time. The trees lining the side of the road prevented him from busting

forth into the sky. My daughter on the phone heard my joy and we were all

amazed. Eagles have always been brought into my line of sight when I've

needed strength to overcome x, y, or z.

The coolest aspect of this? I wasn't looking for it. I have never seen one this close

to my home, ever.

God directed that beautiful, soaring raptor to me,

for me,

in that moment.

The entire week has been humbling,

heart warming,

and given me a fresh burst of belief in the One Who made me.

I do not know what the CT's rays and dye will reveal today.

I know I do not want it to be cancer.

Who does???

I do know, however, that the God Who spoke the stars into twinkling lights,

and knows them by name, that God?

He spent moments this week, encouraging me and my family.

His creativity knows no limits!
His love for me is unending,

deep

and constant.

These moments matter dear reader. I cling to them today because they reveal the very essence of the

character of God, to my scared, anxious heart.

By believing in Him and His goodness towards me, it extinguishes fears with faith,

boosts my belief and causes me to look for Him to show up in my days.

And whatever this lesion is, He will be there, with me, encouraging me to be like the one in

Jeremiah 17:7,8
“Blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD, whose trust is the LORD.”

He is faithful friends,

Bonnie

A slice of my life in March

Fear Not

“When I am afraid I will put my trust in Thee.” Psalm 56:3

Heading to the Dr's office, I was shaking with fear. My chest hurt. The pain radiated out from the center, and it hurt to breathe. I sat waiting for the nurse to call me in. All I could think of was this: “God is with me, do not be afraid.”

I kept repeating it, like a mantra. Honestly, my body wasn't buying it and continued to shake.

It wasn't until the EKG was pronounced “normal” and the lung xrays were clear, that my trembling subsided..

I felt like a child! This made me wonder what God truly means when He says “Do not be afraid” or “Do not fear.”

How do you do that? Do I say a verse over and over and over till whatever I'm fearing disappears?

Do I pray out loud? Do I tell my self words of truth? Do I cry out for help? Do I cry and melt into

a puddle of emotions?

The more I consider this, the more I need to understand two things: One: I am human and not a robot. Therefore I cannot turn off fear like a switch, especially when the circumstances are causing me great bodily pain.

Two: Not being afraid is more than a conscious declaration. Not being afraid is a cumulative, faith building, discipline that ultimately is rooted in the character of God. Not being afraid can be practiced as I experience life's trials, afflictions and pain.

Is it possible that when God tells me to not be afraid, He understands it may take me a few minutes?

Yes.

Is it possible, when I am confronted with perplexing pain and discomfort, God understands my trembling limbs?

Yes.

Do not be afraid. I think not being afraid is not giving in to the overwhelming flood. Not allowing my thoughts to run down the aisle, pitching a fit, because I may/may not have cancer causing the pain.

Not taking the time to pray. Not believing the truth of God's Word. Forgetting what God has wrought in my past. Neglecting to remember His character is steady, trustworthy and true.

Being is a state, a verb. I don't know the Hebrew or Greek tense, but I would guess it's present. Active. Ongoing. Not like a one time utterance of “Oh Bonnie God said do not be afraid, so quit it!”

More like a wrestling with fear and smacking it down for what it is, a thief and a liar!

The more moments I practice this, the more natural it becomes, even in unnatural situations, like your chest hurting and you thinking you are having a heart attack at the age of 53? Yes.

A bone scan is scheduled for next week. As I type, I am praying, I am believing God's Word, but fear lurks like a wild animal right next to my heart. I have been through this so many times I feel foolish for even telling you—but the last time I thought everything was going to be ok, I heard “it's cancer.”

“When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee.” Psalm 56:3

I like this because #1: It tells me the Psalm writer dealt with fear. #2He used it as an opportunity to trust God. When I put my trust in God, I am acknowledging to Him and myself, He is able to help me at that moment, and He provides me with strength and faith, not fear.

This is an act of faith, because I cannot see into my bones. I cannot tell why my ribs hurt. I want to believe the pain is the cartilage all inflamed like the Dr thinks, but what I really truly need to do?

Put my trust in God. He is faithful. He already knows. He loves me. And He will help me no matter what the results show.

Dear Jesus,

I tend to get so afraid. Help me to put my trust in You. You have made me so well, this I know. Yet I forget too quickly and instead of embracing You and Who You are, I wrestle with fear. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but one of power and love and sound mind. Help me believe this, by faith.

Help this to become a pattern I practice when I'm confronted with fear inducing situations in this life.

In Jesus Name, Amen

Valentines, pancakes and the end of my seven journey

John 13:34-35 states:" A new commandment I have given to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this, all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love, one for another."

I'm not the poster child/adult for these verses all the time..I fail. I hurt others. I mess up. But the truth is, by the grace of God and in the power of God, I try. Loving another is how the world sees we are disciples of Jesus.  The word that grabs my heart is "commandment." Jesus called loving each other a commandment. Not a luxury item to be handed out to those we deem "worthy"--we are simply commanded to love. 

Why don't I love as Jesus told me to?

My reasons are as varied as snowflakes-/

They do not deserve it.

He/she hurt me.

I do not feel like it today. Perhaps tomorrow I will extend love?

The problem with those reasons, is they are all.  about.   Me.

God loved me when I was unlovely, a sinner, and hell bound. He offered me love and I did not deserve it. Period. 

What grants me, a forgiven child of the Most High, the right to withhold love from another for any reason?

Me. Myself. I.

Jesus wants me to love others because it is about Him--exemplifying His life and His ways, not mine. And this especially goes for the ones I declare unworthy of love. 

The reality is, we were all unworthy. Read Ephesians 2:1-3.

God, through Jesus Christ, makes us worthy, righteous and His beloved ones.

If I am gratefully aware of these impressive truths, I will want give to others what Jesus gives to me. 

Anything less is a selfish version of my definition of what I want love to look like.

These are some of the truths God has been implanting on my heart lately. 

He is so patient with me. I learn slowly, but I am willing. And He will complete what He began in me. See Philippians 1:6.

Thank You Lord for Your ultimate expression of Love through Your Son Jesus.

Help me be obedient to Your command, to love one another, not because it benefits me--but because You told me to and I love You.