When God does not make sense

I know God needs no defending. He is. Moses asked Him, "What should I call you?" "I AM," was God's response.
Suffering is a touchy subject. Some believers in Jesus Christ do not believe we should suffer. Period. We are meant to live victoriously on this earth. Sickness has no place in our lives. It is not God's will for me to be sick...

I have heard that many times since my diagnosis. Do you have any idea what kind of pain that inflicts on my heart and soul? Yes, I want to be free from cancer! Yes, I want to grow gray with my husband! Of course I want my brother healed!

The truth is some people do not get well. Some people I've known and have prayed for, died. I have been to their funerals!

"Therefore, we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. For momentary, light, affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison." IICor 4:16,17

To me, cancer/sickness is an opportunity to bring God glory. I do not understand the teaching that tells me I should not have it in the first place. I believe the Word of God teaches me that I can have an abundant life while I suffer. I believe I can bring God glory through it all. I smile at how Paul uses the words light and temporary to describe affliction. Do you know he was beaten with the lashes 5 times?? Being struck with leather strips 39 times(one beating), sounds like suffering to me!!

I do not understand sometimes why people I love dearly have to suffer. I could shake my fist in God's face and tell Him to knock it off, or I can fall at His feet and pray that they would endure their trial to bring Him glory, honor and praise.

My brother told my Mom that everyone looks at him like he has an expiration date on his forehead. Truth is we all do! We are all going to die, of something--a drunk driver, a heart attack, a terrorist attack, cancer, etc. When you are diagnosed with a life threatening illness like cancer, you are instantly thrust into the reality of death. Your whole family is!

I am not trying to sound like a martyr. I want to "make it." I want my brother to "make it."
BUT....
God does not have to make sense. He is God. He does not have to fit into our way of thinking. He has plans for us, but we want them to all be good, fun, happy little plans. When suffering enters the room, does God leave it? I do not think so.
I think He is there, in the midst of it all. It is up to me, to grab hold of Him and trust Him.


I am holding on with every ounce of strength He gives me.


He is faithful,
Bonnie