Monday, September 17, 2007


Well, I got another trip to the hospital..couldn't keep anything down, felt absolutely awful and wished I could just make it all go away...3 liters of lactated ringers, 2 doses of zofran(anti-barf), 1dose of phenegren(anti-barf plus super sleepy) and some potasssium and WOW--talk about wild trips to the bathroom every 10 minutes!!! I was so sleepy I had the old lady shuffle going on quite well..after 4 trips in 40 minutes we conceeded to the commode which lived next to the bed. I don't think you can really call it a bed, because it was so narrow I almost fell off several to go home after I proved I could keep sips of water down for 45 minutes.
Honestly, this was not as bad as last time, but I still felt horrible longer when I got home. That was Sunday, this is Monday and just now, at 10pm, my tummy is feeling semi-normal. I managed to teach school this am and then took a 3 hour nap on the couch. Then I got up and ate some bland noodles and broth and graded a bunch of stuff for Hannah and taught the girls science about birds and nesting. They are doing an experiment to see if birds prefer red or green feeders. There was a great big mess by the back door today with sunflower seeds and what not little girl stuff. What was really awesome about the nesting reading that we did was that it focused on the puffin and we got to see thousands upon thousaands of them in June in Newfoundland!

I am praising God that I am getting better. I would be deceitful if I said I wasn't heartbroken on the way
to ER.. I did not want to go again, I did not want to be sick again, I did not want to rob a whole day of me being sick for my kids and husband...but here I was, hugging my golden half moon barf bucket like it was a teddy bear..

All I could think was the beginning of Psalm 91 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty...I will say to the Lord, my refuge and my fortress my God in Whom I trust...." My trust hadn't changed, my heart was still reaching out to the Lord God but I wanted to be done, finished, home, feeling well enough to walk after dinner...
I don't have any answers. Loving God doesn't negate suffering and I can't think of one saint who've said they enjoyed suffering, but this one sure doesn't like the barfy, feeling dreadful kind of suffering..
So please pray for endurance for my soul. I know I need to finish out these drugs to give the cancer the most brutal beating it can have but I would rather throw in the towel at the moment. My husband was so good to me yesterday, so very tender..I kept thinking of the lines in our vows about "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" as I would glance at him trying to stay awake to be attentive to me.. I kept thinking I have to do this for him, for my kids and for my Mom..
The Holy Spirit says, "Let's just stay in today Bonnie dear."

Today the girls played on their new tire swing. They chased the dog and the the dog chased back. He howled today and they thought it was hilarious! I must've been napping because I missed it. Tim paid the property taxes (ugh) and ran a bunch of errands on his motorcycle. Nathan did well on his algebra test. Hannah aced her history test. Teresa got a prize at the library for doing a super slueth picture, a uakari monkey that hangs from her neck, and tonight it is hanging from her bed above her little head. Rachel served me today with lunch and lots of smiles and loving. Normal life wrapped up in God's goodness to us all.
I am truly blessed, even with a sour tummy.
Keep praying ok?

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