Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The Gap

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Phil 4: 6,7

Here's the deal. This is a promise. God never breaks a promise. He tells us right here, that we are to be anxious(Christian-ese for worry) for nothing(tests at school, bone scan results, taking hormone enzyme zapping drugs, money for __________, etc.) and through prayer and petition(asking lots and lots of times), with thanksgiving(a heart attitude of being grateful despite your circumstance) let God know your request(tell Him!--He already knows anyhow!) and the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension(the Dr today told us we seemed so calm in spite of all that was happening to us) shall guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

The promise part was Him guarding our hearts and minds. The problem is most of the time, I do not really believe it. If I'm being honest.
Do you? Do you really? Do you believe God keeps His promises?

We heard an AWESOME sermon Sunday on believing and trusting God.
Believe God_________Trust
The space in the middle is the gap. Right now, I am in the gap. I have to believe God and His promises He gives me in the Bible. The more I believe Him and what He says, like in Philippians above, the smaller the gap and greater the trust. In the gap, however, is the place where God is at work in my heart.. Do I trust Him? Yes I do. It is because I choose to believe Him!

As I left the radiologist's office today, I was in tears. I was scared. I was angry. For the first time ever, on my medical history sheet, I had to write in that my brother had cancer! I'm not angry like God WHY ME, I am angry that I live in a sin stained world where cancer seems to thrive. Every time I turn around it seems, someone else has's crazy!

As I take my new hormone drug tonight I choose to "preach to my soul" as the pastor said. "Be anxious for nothing.."
As Tim and I pray fervently about radiation, I choose to trust His promises. "Be anxious for nothing.."
As I consider 25 days of gamma rays piercing through my body, I choose to believe He can not only guard my heart and my mind, but He can also give me angels to guard me in all my ways.(Psalm 91)
As I continually parent my children, I choose to believe that if I ask for wisdom, God will give it to me and not scold me for asking(James 1)
As I grieve for my brother and his family, I choose to believe that God is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit..(Psalm 34:18)

On a lighter note, we had a wonderful, relaxing weekend. Two glorious nights.. I have to share this. I had been praying all week that the Lord would provide the funds for our little get away...we didn't really want to dip into our savings, but we felt so strongly about getting out of Dodge, that we were willing to. Friday, the day we were leaving, we received a check for several hundred dollars!!
I wept....
Once more, we sat in the living room and prayed with our kids. We thanked God for hearing Mommy's prayer and for His provision. This has become a familiar scene in our home and I hope one my children will carry on with their children some day. We have prayed with them through sorrow and pain and joy and provision..

We told the Dr today we would let them know by Monday--whether we are going to "do" radiation or not. It's not like taking a course of antibiotics and wow--the infection is gone.
It gives me a 9% greater chance of being around in ten years. Add it to 74% like the oncologist told me if I was a good girl and did chemo and the hormone therapy, and it looks pretty acceptable. Of course, you need to remember, with all of this, there are no promises.

Save for His.
Praise His name.

He is faithful,

P.S. Pray for wisdom and strength for both of has been a demanding week..


Sarah said...

Sweet Bonnie, God is giving you so much profound wisdom as you share this journey, I wonder if it will be a book one day.

We have a CFO council ring meeting this weekend, so will put the Pray-ers to work.

He is faithful, indeed! And you have shared it over and over! Thank You!!

Love, Blessings and Prayers, Mom

Kristine said...

The song that came to mind while reading your thoughts is:
"There is a place of quiet rest, Near to the heart of God; A place where sin cannot molest, Near to the heart of God. O Jesus, blest Redeemer, Sent from the heart of God, Hold us, who wait before Thee, Near to the heart of God."
I received a letter today from a friend's widow that he had passed into glory on Christmas Day. Yep, you guessed it...cancer! It is heart wrenching to struggle with these human bodies, but... "What a Day that Will Be when my Jesus I shall see!" The second verse of "What a Day" begins: "There'll be no sorrow there, no more burdens to bear, No more sickness, no pain, no more parting over there. And forever I will be with the One Who died for me. What a day, glorious day that will be!"
Here, there, or in the air!!!!
His return is coming soon because (as my Dad says) it's getting gloriously black!
Love and prayers,