Wednesday, February 20, 2008


I know I just had an upbeat blog entry but today, raw describes how I feel.
I know my feelings are God given and there is nothing wrong with them,
but oh wow, do I feel weary and spent.
When I went to radiation this morning Tim was able to watch the whole process.
That made me feel better. I am not seeing any side effects yet, and I am putting on my cream faithfully.
It's just that I am once more, battling fear and anxiety.
When people say I am battling breast cancer I smile to myself, because really, that's God's department. My department is taking control of my mind and what I allow it to think and meditate upon. Maybe I'm splittin' hairs, but seriously, I need to let God do what I know He can because He made me and He knows me inside out.
This new drug I'm on to wipe out the estrogen in my body is making me feel narfy.
It is affecting my mind and my ability to remember and that is scary. I feel like I have a cloud in my head most days..
I write all of this to ask for your prayers.
Pray I will tell myself the truth--and that I will believe it.
Pray too for strength, physical and emotional.
Going out every day is already taking it's toll and this is only day 3 out of 25.

The day is gorgeous and it was lovely to be out in it with the sun and the sparkles everywhere.
It was -8 this am! BRRR!
He is faithful,


Sarah said...

You can't be "up" all the time. You are allowed to be scared. You know where to go for encouragement. So I know you will.

We're having fun here - -Brenda's car has been in the shop since Sun. The basement flooded - sewer back-up, yuck! Replacement surgery tomorrow!! Picking up the car then laundromat. OH, the plumber came, $170.00. Now for some one to clean up the mess!!!

Praise God, He is indeed faithful!!
Thank you for reminding me.
Love, prayers & Blessings, Mom ;-)

Laura said...

Dear sister, I find it hard to be "up" all the time too. I try to really guard my thought life, but it is a struggle. I keep reminding myself that God is in control and that He won't give me more than I can handle. It doesn't make it any easier, does it? Praying for you and your breezing through radiation and for no side effects from the meds...i.e. clear thoughts.