"The Lord has promised good to me, His Word my hope secures,
He will my shield and portion be,
as long as life endures"
I was humming this song from Chris Tomlin, "Amazing Grace" this morning as I lay on the radiation table. Up above me, is a big T cut sideways in the ceiling for the laser. I thought of all the sin Jesus took upon the cross, for me..And then I thought of His suffering..He was spit upon--how utterly shaming to have someone else's saliva dripping down your face..He knew pain--physical and emotional. He was abandoned by his dearest disciples when He was praying in the garden. He anguished drops of blood, they slept! He was misunderstood by the Pharisees, so much so, they plotted his demise.
And then the beatings began...cat o nine tails with glass embedded in the leather strips, designed to rip human flesh down to the bone...a crown of thorns was shoved into his scalp and were not talking raspberry thorns either---He must've been in absolute misery..
I pondered the actual crucifixtion for a few moments, but then it was over.
Time to go home. It isn't many times you get to be lying on your back, looking at a T sideways, getting zapped with low doses of radiation, pondering a cross...
I realized on the way home I was worshipping Him, my Saviour, my Jesus on that table..
My heart was just about to burst with gratitude for all He has done for me, for Who He is and for how He has walked with me every step of this journey.
I was humming a song, while getting zapped, and praising His name..Call me crazy if you want, I don't care. I am not being trite or sappy, I'm being honest and real.
That my dear ones, is one of many moments of amazing grace, He has given this homeschool Mom..
More moments this past weekend:
* eating dinner with my whole family and my Mom, at a restaurant we've all been wanting to go to (because someone blessed us financially)
*walking to the river and back with Jack
*getting a beautiful note in the mail, just when I needed it
*praying with my brother, over the phone, while he's in the hospital for a low WBC and fever..
*having my husband spend his birthday money for our date last night
*clean sheets put on my bed by my two youngest
*a pink sunrise
*someone telling me I look beautiful when I feel so yuck
*someone bringing us a load of wood AND dinner at the same time--today, right when we needed wood!
Oh Lord, I praise You.
You are worthy of praise when I am sitting here, sipping my tea and when I am lying on the radiation table.
Help me to ponder the gruesomeness of the cross this week and let some new nugget settle in my estrogen deprived mind.
You are faithful,
P.S. 5 more days!!!!!!