Wednesday, July 22, 2009

45 laps....

I still don't know who did this bag for me. Those are my tired dogs after 45 laps!
My precious daughters made this luminaria bag for my brother Steve. Isn't it great??
45. One for every year of Steve's life. Humbling and rewarding all mixed into one. I wish he could've seen me...maybe he did?? I don't know, but I know for sure, God did.
The gal to the left, the head honcho of the relay. What a sweetheart she was to me!
Some more walkers with me right before I hit the 45th lap.
All 4 of us have had cancer either in us or in a loved one near us...
Almost finished!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Precious J next to me, on the right. She is very brave. She walked with me, her and her mom, more than anyone did. What an awesome encouragement she is to my heart!!
I felt so blessed by all those who showed up and simply walked with me. Many of you have done it from the beginning of my journey with breast cancer, but the relay just provides a tangible, on site, on purpose rememberance. It is a very powerful time. Thank you for being brave enough to show up, walk and stay by my side.

For all you who supported me financially, I raised somewhere between 800-$900. Very, very close to my goal. Thank you so very much for helping me..

Being at a relay is akin being in a cemetery. You see IN MEMORY OF on the luminaria bags.. People wear t shirts with their loved ones faces on them, declaring they will "never forget you." It is sad. It is frightening and I had a few encounters with fear, but kept kicking it in the teeth. You can't help but wonder if the other survivors are thinking the same thing.
If you are survivor and wearing your purple t shirt, walking is a courageous act, like making a declaration of "I'M STILL HERE AND I'M LIVING TODAY JUST FINE!!!" There were 44 survivors walking. I felt so proud to walk with my friends. I felt so encouraged to have them next to me.

I was given an opportunity to speak at the survivor dinner. After speaking to 500 people at my brother's funeral, this was not scary at all. I wasn't coming in though with any words on paper, I prayed like crazy for Divine Help and God did not disappoint me.

I told them why I walked. For my brother. For myself. Then I told them what has helped me the most...
Taking one day at a time. Really. Jesus said that. He said "tomorrow has enough trouble of it's own."
Receive each day as a gift. Live it. Be grateful. It was short and sweet.
My husband was there...he was beaming...

After it was over, one gal came up to me and told me she "really, really needed to hear that." She was in tears. Thank You God. Thank You....


It's not easy being the big sister. I wept so hard after I finished those 45 laps..the tip of the cyclone fence bit into my flat chest as I clung to Tim's neck...I felt him gulp. You know, that hard swallow that tells you they are trying not to cry too...
I miss my brother so much.

I was in church the next morning and we were singing some praise song. I don't even remember what it was. I was INSTANTLY hit with this thought: I am singing here on earth to God and my brother is worshipping that same God--in His presence.

Oh Jesus, tell him I love him will You??


You are faithful,
Bonnie

P.S. One lap is 1/4 of a mile. You figure out the rest! ( I actually walked 48!)


4 comments:

Binga said...

Honey,
As I read about your walk for your "little brother", I was overcome with emotion and wept.
Your brother knows how much you love him... he knows!
I have been so honored to have been given the privilege of being mom to you and Steve. God formed you both with extra amounts of courage and inner strength and the love each of you have for your Heavenly Papa is more than evident!

Steve is more alive than ever and he is now able to see our Lord's face and to touch Him. We, too, are citizens of Heaven and will reunite with Steve and other loved ones when 'He calls our name'.

This is a quote by D.L. Moody: "Soon you will read in the newspaper that I am dead. Don't believe it for a moment. I will be more alive than ever before."

I love you dear daughter and I am so proud of who you are.

Sarah said...

Oh, my sweet,sweet girl ---
I, too could hardly see to read, since there were tears running down my face.

God has gifted you with the ability to share your ideas and feelings in such a way that touches others. (not only your Moms)

I'm glad the little we could do from afar was helpful to you.
You are a walking testimony to God's faithfulness.

All my love to all of you!!
Your other Mom ;-)

Gayla said...

Sounds like a wonderful event - good friends, a great tribute, very emotional. We're very proud of you. I choose to believe (and I really truly believe it) that Steve did "see" the event and was with you in spirit. I'm sure you felt his spirit with you as you walked and celebrated later...
love, me

Kristine said...

God HAS gifted you with an ability to use your words to touch others. I dare say that many people have been challenged and encouraged in ways they never would have if you would have chosen other ways to spend your time and energy. Thank you for your testimony and the way you beam with the love of Jesus!! One step at a time....