Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Recurrence/New Hair cut

"Praying is all I ask of you," her voice spoke, those blue, blue eyes boring into mine..
I hugged her hard and then realized I may be hurting her. Told her I was going to being praying hard for her...she knew I meant it with all I had in me..

Today my daughter got her hair cut for locks of love. I'm so proud of her.

I'm watching my 16 year old's hair hitting the floor-- being shorn on purpose because it's fun,

and thinking about my friend, who is going to shave her head-- on purpose, because it's better to do that than watch your locks fall out in ugly globs in the shower....

I'm watching her as she cuts a mans hair--speaking tenderly to him, assuring him tomorrow will be a better day than today..and I realize I am witnessing grace.

This woman has cancer AGAIN and she is administering grace to another hurting soul..

The word recurrence is ugly. The thought can be crippling to a cancer survivor.
I never ever want cancer to return in my body,
but I understand each day, it could.
I do not live in fear,
but am trying to cultivate gratitude--for every moment I am here,

Yet, the word Recurrence can be--old wounds, haunting me again, in essence recurring, and I let it.
It can be fear. Dark nights, tossing and turning, fear lurks.

It can be bitterness--
roiling under the surface of daily living,
blocking people,
talking badly about them to others,
snapping at my loved ones over the inconsequential things,
always angry.....

When faced with the threat of cancer returning in my body, I am honestly trying to live as best I can.
I am taking care of myself --nutrition, sleep, exercise and Godly living are all within MY ability to do. I'm not perfect but overall, I am doing my part.

The same is with my attitudes.
When those 'tudes come back into my heart,
and play out in my daily life,
it's time to perform "surgery."

Lance the ugliness with God's truth--

Cleanse with an application of confession---

Infusion with strong, undeserved grace---

Just like my friend dosing out grace today though she is battling cancer for the second time,

Let me be like her--
battling my ugly recurrences of bitterness, anger and pride Lord for the umpteenth time--

Let me Lord

be the one
to dole


Help my friend Lord to rely on You.
Help her to know in her heart of hearts,
that You
are a Very


P.S. Would you lift up my friend? God knows her name..

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