Sunday, November 20, 2011

Deep calls to deep

At the sound of Thy waterfalls: all Thy breakers and Thy waves have rolled over me Psalm 42:7...

a Psalm speaking of the connection felt with God during the breaking--the pain, rejection, loneliness, sorrow, grief--hurt causes thirst in me--

some days for justice--
others for healing--
I admit I want moments coated in relief--a pill administered to numb the pain--not truly deal with it.

When I worship--the deepest part of me cries out to You Lord.
Like tonight, when we sang How Great Thou Art--with just our voices---
I stop to listen and remember how we sang it at my wedding--my daddy and brother up front, voices booming, singing and smiling..
I let the memory come and savored it, but it still stings..
Grief is like waves-breakers-- some small, some huge, but always washing up on the shore of my soul.

Holidays are tough on grieving hearts.
I remember the very first one after my dad died. He died the end of October and of course,
Thanksgiving follows close..
Fresh grief is raw --I couldn't eat. I was angry everyone else seemed to be having a good time.
Reality is they were just trying to do what they could to apply salve to my wounded heart.
Anger burned then, compassion sees now. I am grateful for my family.

Grief is usually associated with people dying.
It can come from loss of a job, chronic pain, illness,
divorce, etc. etc.

Cancer patients grieve the loss of "normal."
I grieved the loss of my hair, my breasts,
and reeled for months and months with fear and

Perspective is a lovely word when you look back.
When loss thrusts you into a new world of
pain, you lose it.

I am so very grateful for God's love,
His faithfulness to me and my family
and for the strength He administers to me.

I am thankful this Thanksgiving I have the hope---
the HOPE--
that one day I will be able to see my dad
and my

I will let that breaker wash over me again and again...

You are faithful,

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