Monday, November 19, 2012

Twenty plus eight years

Saturday November 17, 2012.

28 years ago this day I was surrounded by people who loved me. I had little sleep, a horrid head cold and was in a fog of "I can't believe I'm getting married."  It was surreal; Tim and I went out that morning to get egg mcmuffins for everyone, you know the days before continental breakfasts?  He ate 5.  I had one.

Michelle Francis was my maid of honor--Laura Stufflebean(Zowada) , Kim Smith and Judy Peterson (Chapman) were my bridesmaids.
Tim's mom was present in the dressing room --so was my mom.  It was delightful and all these ladies hovered around like I was a queen bee! I remember not liking all the make up.  I did not feel like myself but I wanted to be a vision of loveliness for Tim.

Surrounded by family and friends and You God.  Thank You for this.

I DO remember my Dad, acting all bravodo-ish, I could sense he was struggling to hold it all in.  He told me he loved me, held out his left arm and said, "Are you ready?" I was nervous. He was too but hanging on to his arm helped me move down the aisle.

I will never forget the gaze on Tim's face.  Much more than the colloquial "cat that swallowed the canary" statement.  MUCH MORE.

My brother was there. He looked so handsome in his tux.  No sister-in-law yet :)

Tim's grandparents from WY weren't there but his grandparents from AZ were.  They are all gone now. My daddy, Tim's daddy, my brother too.


Anyone who says they love one another during these vows really has zero idea what love is.

Love is a raw commitment. It  is a black and white drawing with two hearts, colored in over the years with choices made to honor and trust God and one another.

It is not always a gushy hallmark-ish sentiment, because sentiment and well wishes will not walk with you through----

burying your father,
excruciating endomeitriosis,
fertility troubles,
little income,
difficult births of said fertility "troubles"
babies in the night needing mommy, diapers replaced, rocking and singing to,
no sleep from baby one to baby four,
dashed dreams,
moving away from all familiar to up north,
taking in a distraught father,
with him as he took his last breath 4 months later,
financial messes,
silent nights, back to back in bed with bitterness festering,
cancer diagnosis,
fear in children's eyes,
a brother's cancer diagnosis,
honoring him at his funeral,
grief multiplied by 6,
healing slow,

No sentiment can withstand those floods, barriers and boulders..
Yet a man and a woman committed to God

You are faithful
and I am grateful

I choose you
My Daddy looking so handsome! Mom beautiful as always..
Emil and Sarah so proud
Our first home--the little one to the left
Newlyweds!! circa 1984

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