Well, today I had my blood drawn, waited an hour and a half, saw the oncologist, she looked at my port site and said, "That's infected, no chemo today for you." Ugh. I called the surgeon 2x's last week and told them it was hot, it hurt, but since I had no fever, it got neglected. So I saw him today, and he apologized that this was happening to me again---I got one too, with the mastectomy incision---and put me on antibiotics. I will see him Friday am. If it isn't better, he will remove the port right in his office. If it is better, it will get left in and Lord willing, chemo will resume next Wednesday.
I felt very discouraged because I was all mentally prepared for the chemo, prayed up, etc and now, zilch. I know God has His reasons, so I must rest in Him but I was bummed. Besides that, this dumb thing aches and hurts...so tonight, me and vicadin have a date. Maybe I will sleep better with that in my system!
I had a bowl of cereal for dinner if that tells you how I felt. Later we went for a walk, Tim and I and the girls and that helped my frame of mind immensely. They are so cute together, running along being girls...Jack the puppy went on this walk, peed a few times, came in the mudroom, drank from his dish and promptly peed on the floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHH!
It is nose rubbin' time!
My hair is beginning to fall out. I think I will be alright with it, but it is very different. I tell myself hair isn't me, but when you have had something all of your life, it is alarming to see it in the sink and your underwear..it is wild. It IS part of me, but it isn't WHO I AM. That is the difference.
The guy Tim makes razors for in Southern California, says ladies there shave their heads on purpose and the men think it is sexy. Who knows? Maybe I'll start a new trend!
Tim says I will still be beautiful and you know what? I believe him. I really do. I am so grateful for my husband. ....he is so good to me.
I have been in IPeter lately and it brings me such hope. I have also been listening to Voices of the Faithful, by Beth Moore, with various artists and wow, what a treasure of praise for my heart. There are some moments where prayer is wordless because I don't know how to pray or I'm too upset. Praise music gets in and brings comfort and hope and sets my mind right.
It is cooler here tonight but supposed to be muggy uggy tomorrow. Mom has PT tomorrow, rachel has another dentist appointment and Hannah has piano...thankfully, Nathan is taking Mom and Hannah and Tim is taking Rachel. I need to rest...
I am getting my school ciricculums ready, checking on last minute purchases, etc. It is exciting to think of a new year. Only three children this year! Ordered Nathan's texts today online for his college classes too. He is cautiously optimistic..got a call from Mary Pride, kind of like the mother of homeschooling, a few weeks ago and she is going to have an article on the kids ROV competition in Practical Homeschooling. So if you get a chance, check it out! She has written lots of books on homeschooling and done tons of reviews of materials...I remember checking her out when I first began this journey, 13 years ago. I am proud of my kids that is for certain!
Blessings to you all. Please keep us in your prayers.
Love you all,