Sunday, September 30, 2007

Psalm 91:1 or my 9-1-1 !!!!

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High, will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord my refuge and my fortress, my God in Whom I trust."

These words gave me such comfort, strength and hope over these last few days. The middle of last week I felt pretty good; was walking with the dogs about 2-3 miles a day, keeping up with school, etc. Friday we tested for green belts and I am pretty certain the girls and I passed!!! Directly after Tang Soo Do, I left my precious children with my oldest and met Tim at the Dr's office. Chemo started after that...

It was yucky this time from the start. The smells in the room made me nauseated, seeing the "red koolaid" (chemo med that is red) made me want to cry and I simply did not want to be there. I had kind of a melt down in the waiting room.."Oh God help me" I remember saying over and over to myself.

He did. He is such a Gentleman. Tim didn't have his computer this time so he doted on me the entire time. I needed that and he could tell. Then this lady comes over to me and says,
"I don't normally walk up and talk to people like this, but I just wanted you to know you look absolutely beautiful in that bandana and I think someone should take your picture." I almost cried again!! I was wearing the same bandana I had earlier for my testing because it matches my orange belt...nothing special but God used a complete stranger to tell me I was beautiful...

By the time evening hit Friday I was in agony. My tummy was awfully upset and all I can relate it to is the WORST stomach flu you have ever experienced and then some. Mom stayed with me a lot of the time back in my bedroom and her presence was very comforting. I could tell she was praying the whole time. I had Hannah call a few people to ask for prayer because I felt like I was going downhill fast and was scared I would end up in the hospital again for fluids/etc.
I was desperate and kept thinking of the verse in Psalm 91 that says, "he will call to Me and I will answer him, I will be with him in trouble.." About 8:30 pm I took another anti barf med and it really started to help. I mean like almost instantly...I believe God answered all the prayers that were being lifted up on my behalf. Yes, that is what the drugs are supposed to do, but you need to remember that last two times, I have been a good girl and taken them just like the Dr said and it DIDN'T help, I still ended up in the hospital. This time was dramatically different and I am going to give God all the glory!

Saturday I laid around all day. Did go up to my hunting spot with the kids and Tim and the dogs later in the afternoon. They fly through the woods like little missles, missing us but hitting all the little trees and ferns.
Tim took the tractor up there and made lovely paths with the brush hog. It will be easy to spy those deer, hopefully before they see me! I also had some visitors come and bring me the most beautiful yellow mum plant--it is huge and so pretty and cheery! It was good to visit with dear friends too.

Today I slept a lot. Later on I got out my bow and shot my new arrows Tim put together for me; 6 new cedar arrows, with new broadheads. They have bright orange fletching, so they'll be easy to see and they fly well. I plan on being out there bright and early tomorrow morning.
Today I got a gift package from a gal and was just humbled beyond measure; I got some new clothes, wonderful cherry preserves, a new scarf and other goodies..I felt very loved indeed and very special!

Totally different subject: the bird feeders the girls did for their science proved that the red was better liked by the birdies than the green! I was surprised because you see so many bird feeders green, but these little chickadees liked the red best.

The good news is that I am now officially half way through my treatment!!! That is GOOD news!
The next batch of meds have equally daunting side effects; hypersensitivities are most common, like you get hives, etc and then you can also get like numbness and tingling in your fingers, hands and feet. So you have to premedicate with a steroid to offset the nasty side effects. The other nasty "side effect" is lymphoma...I guess it messes with your cell structure in such a way that it can cause another type of cancer!!
Please pray God will be greater than those side effects....I have 4 treatements of this stuff and then I am done with drugs. This stuff is not supposed to make you barfy, so that is a plus.

Hormonal therapy is after the drugs. I need all the help I can get because the current hot flash status is 5-6 day and lots more at night! Poor Tim..

I admit I am having a hard time staying in today.. I get all melancholy lately and wonder how I would ever manage if I had to go through this again...............I read so many stories of women who have done this--gone through treatments and then more cancer comes so they do it again...I also hear of others who do it and then are ok. I obviously gravitate to those stories but I guess I ultimately need to trust the One Who writes my story.. I need to stay in today because it is all I have. Tomorrow has enough trouble of it's own Jesus said. (Matt 6)

Enjoy the pictures.. We took them down by the bay on Teresa's 8th birthday. Wow does time fly fast! They are beautiful girls and we are glad God has given them to us to raise.


Sarah said...

They are indeed beautiful girls!! Welcome back, I've missed your blog. Was Nathan at school when you took the picture? You look good in Tim's hat ;^) Nice horse birthday cake. You do make nice ones. Nice Pictures, thanks!! I'm so sorry you felt so awful!Praising God you are feeling better. If you haven't already, you may want to get out the shawl and wrap yourself in God's and my arms. Remember I love you, always. So - - did you hunt today? Love and Blessings to all.

Kristine said...

Half-way mark....YAHOO!!! Your pictures make me cry because I just miss y'all so much and your beautiful words just make me thankful to have you as a part of my life! You are truly a wonderful testimony of abiding in the shadow of the Almighty!!
Praying diligently for you,

RawTriGirl said...

You do look beautiful Bonnie. I'm so happy you are at the halfway mark. You are so strong and amazing. What a blessing to have such a supportive loving family and such loving friends. Sending healing vibes as always!

Melissa and family