Sunday, January 27, 2008

flat chest, filled heart





I really don't know how to convey how I felt when I lifted up my hospital "gown" and saw my incision
for the very first time..

I wept..my precious husband was right there, enveloping me in his strong arms, reassuring me of his love for me but honestly, seeing my new chest, was heartbreaking..
I had been in the Word earlier that morning, while Tim was out finding food.

Journal entry the morning after my surgery, Saturday January 26, 2008.

" My breast is gone. My chest is flat. My heart is full and very much crying out to You, My Abba Daddy..
I was in Psalm 138 this am. It's subtitle says," God answered my prayer"
The whole Psalm reached into my heart and gave me hope, joy and peace.
I will give thanks to Thee with all my heart
(It's definitely a choice Lord to be grateful to You)
I will bow down towards Thy holy temple
(or drive my suburban in earnest)
And give thanks to Thy name for Thy lovingkindness and Thy truth\
(Why?)
For Thou has magnified Thy Word according to all Thy name
(Your Word is great Lord--it IS lovingkindness and truth)
On the day I called Thou didst answer me
(Yes Lord You answered me! You granted me strength, courage, and peace before my surgery, and after, no nausea, vomiting or pain!)
Thous didst make me bold with strength in my soul
(bold yes to a woman losing her only breast, facing surgery)


That's how I cope.
I go to the Source of help, comfort and peace.

It hasn't been easy.
This time is harder because my chest is flatter.
Sounds corny, but my mommy heart aches as I look at my children...as I gaze at my husband.

The day surgery I experienced much of God's presence.
I was supposed to go in at 1:30 and have surgery around 3pm.
I went in for surgery at 4:50 pm due to an emergency..
While we waited I had Tim, Mom, Nathan and Hannah and my pastor come in many times and pray with me. What comfort!
I was starving so on the second bag of sugar solution, I asked if they could make it into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Sure they said, and the nurse makes this gesture of waving her magic wand at my iv bag.
It made me smile.
And then they had to write YES in purple on my breast..like they don't know which one to take??
That made me laugh real hard.
And I also learned the value of praise music via an iPod.
That brought me such comfort.

My sleep Dr did a great job, I woke up with absolutely NO nausea and I didn't really experience any pain until the wee hours of the morning. What a great Christian brother the Lord gave me to take care of me! He and the surgeon said I was their easiest case all day and they were grateful I didn't give them a hard time....you gotta love guys like that!
I had a great night nurse, she was SO kind and tender to me.

I don't know why I feel led to say this, but guys, if you are reading this--love you wives! Love them as Christ loved the church--that is sacrificially..
The book of Ephesians says "So husbands ought also to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church." Eph 5:28,29


Nourish her with your love. She needs you like a plant needs water to grow. Your love given with nary a string attached is what she longs for.
Cherish her. Open doors for her, give her a foot rub, buy her a card, tell her and show her how much she means to you like you did when you were hunting her down in those courting days!

Sermon over.

I am being nourished and cherished by my maverick man and I want my dear sisters and girlfriends to experience the same bold, lavish love! God knew I needed a guy like him for a time like this..

Thank you for your prayers..They are powerful, effective and accomplishing much in my life.
Keep it up!

Every day is a gift from His hand. Just like the one in my lap. Beautiful. Gorgeous and custom made just for me..
Open it and be blessed.
Or ignore it and wilt.

His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is great,

Bonnie

5 comments:

waitingfaithfully said...

Oh Bonnie,
Your sweet words are a gift straight from the Lord to me . . . you put things lovingly in perspective. In your hardest of times you are such an encouragement. Thank you for making me think, thank you for making me take time to revel in God's gifts to me . . . custom made and beautiful! May His joy be your strength. Praying for your complete healing, He is able, and His faithfullness is indeed great!

With love,
Tina

Linda said...

Your pictures are absolutely beautiful! You'll look ravishing with the little something my friend made for you, which should arrive this week! I especially liked the huge bow on your daughter's head--too chic!

I am so glad you have no nausea or pain--thank God!

How did the green stripe belt challenge go?

Please join us in prayer as we celebrate the completed life of Frank's mom, who passed away this morning.

love to you all--Linda (and Frank, always, of course)

Bonnie said...

Green stripe challenge went very well indeed.
I missed a few things, but I think I passed!!
I was the only one who tested this time and it was in front of the whole class.
I find out for certain this Friday.

We will pray for you as you miss Frank's mom.

Love,
Bonnie

Sarah said...

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!!! No pain, no vomiting, no nausea!! Would this be the same sleep Dr. youv'e had before? And known for a long time? God bless him and the surgeon!!

I know it must feel strange to be flat chested at this point in your life. I asked Bonnie M., who has been flat chested for many years, if it would be better balance, and she said absolutly! She did the 3-day walk last Fall. She would be willing to talk if you want.

You have earned the right to preach! You do it so well. You know the Source and are willing to share Him with others.

Did you know that Laura quoted you in her blog, last night? We agree that you are amazing!!

Tell us more about the beautiful bowl.

love you always, Mom ;)

Cia said...

You are beautiful and so are your girls! I'm sorry that we didn't get in to see you in the hospital. I'm glad that everything went as well as it could. I know you must be growing weary of all of this.
Matt's dad was admitted last night too. He has an infection and was running a fever. They did another transfusion and put him on IV antibiotics. We are praying the blood count comes back up soon. It was getting dangerously low again.
"Hi" to your family~
Love you! Lucia