flat chest, filled heart

I really don't know how to convey how I felt when I lifted up my hospital "gown" and saw my incision
for the very first time..

I wept..my precious husband was right there, enveloping me in his strong arms, reassuring me of his love for me but honestly, seeing my new chest, was heartbreaking..
I had been in the Word earlier that morning, while Tim was out finding food.

Journal entry the morning after my surgery, Saturday January 26, 2008.

" My breast is gone. My chest is flat. My heart is full and very much crying out to You, My Abba Daddy..
I was in Psalm 138 this am. It's subtitle says," God answered my prayer"
The whole Psalm reached into my heart and gave me hope, joy and peace.
I will give thanks to Thee with all my heart
(It's definitely a choice Lord to be grateful to You)
I will bow down towards Thy holy temple
(or drive my suburban in earnest)
And give thanks to Thy name for Thy lovingkindness and Thy truth\
(Why?)
For Thou has magnified Thy Word according to all Thy name
(Your Word is great Lord--it IS lovingkindness and truth)
On the day I called Thou didst answer me
(Yes Lord You answered me! You granted me strength, courage, and peace before my surgery, and after, no nausea, vomiting or pain!)
Thous didst make me bold with strength in my soul
(bold yes to a woman losing her only breast, facing surgery)


That's how I cope.
I go to the Source of help, comfort and peace.

It hasn't been easy.
This time is harder because my chest is flatter.
Sounds corny, but my mommy heart aches as I look at my children...as I gaze at my husband.

The day surgery I experienced much of God's presence.
I was supposed to go in at 1:30 and have surgery around 3pm.
I went in for surgery at 4:50 pm due to an emergency..
While we waited I had Tim, Mom, Nathan and Hannah and my pastor come in many times and pray with me. What comfort!
I was starving so on the second bag of sugar solution, I asked if they could make it into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Sure they said, and the nurse makes this gesture of waving her magic wand at my iv bag.
It made me smile.
And then they had to write YES in purple on my breast..like they don't know which one to take??
That made me laugh real hard.
And I also learned the value of praise music via an iPod.
That brought me such comfort.

My sleep Dr did a great job, I woke up with absolutely NO nausea and I didn't really experience any pain until the wee hours of the morning. What a great Christian brother the Lord gave me to take care of me! He and the surgeon said I was their easiest case all day and they were grateful I didn't give them a hard time....you gotta love guys like that!
I had a great night nurse, she was SO kind and tender to me.

I don't know why I feel led to say this, but guys, if you are reading this--love you wives! Love them as Christ loved the church--that is sacrificially..
The book of Ephesians says "So husbands ought also to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church." Eph 5:28,29


Nourish her with your love. She needs you like a plant needs water to grow. Your love given with nary a string attached is what she longs for.
Cherish her. Open doors for her, give her a foot rub, buy her a card, tell her and show her how much she means to you like you did when you were hunting her down in those courting days!

Sermon over.

I am being nourished and cherished by my maverick man and I want my dear sisters and girlfriends to experience the same bold, lavish love! God knew I needed a guy like him for a time like this..

Thank you for your prayers..They are powerful, effective and accomplishing much in my life.
Keep it up!

Every day is a gift from His hand. Just like the one in my lap. Beautiful. Gorgeous and custom made just for me..
Open it and be blessed.
Or ignore it and wilt.

His mercies are new every morning and His faithfulness is great,

Bonnie