Tuesday, December 2, 2008

up on the roof top

I usually like shoveling the roof. It is a great way to burn calories and get a new view of the world. This morning, however, it was absolutely AWFUL. The snow was packed down and hugged the roof..I had to mash the shovel straight down into the snow, and push with all my strength to shove it forward to be able to push it off..
I got so frustrated by how hard it was I started grunting with the effort..
pretty soon, the grunts turned into Charlie Brown ARGGHHH's and I was in tears...
All by 9 am...
I came in sobbing, sweaty and angry..
Sobbing because I am not as strong as I used to be. Shoveling at that intensity, makes my chest hurt in places it never used to..sobbing because cancer takes away so much physically..sobbing because my precious 9 year old came up to help me and ended up telling me it was "ok" more than once...
I know.
Stop shoveling the roof. Pretty simple. Thanks.
I could have thought of that myself.
It's not being able to perform at the same level that makes me so mad.
It's another wave of "I can't believe I've had cancer and now I'm in surviving mode" moment..

I drove to the local party store to get something fizzy to drink(no not beer)
and she was there. I don't even know her name. Or I think I did at one time but tamoxifen took it away...
She always is glad to see me. She has been one of my cheer leaders.
"Do you have any cinnamon rolls?" I ask.
"No, we don't make them in the winter, we end up throwing them away.."
I eyeball the little treats at the checkout and decide against it.
"Oh, I guess that's good for me anyhow," even though I'm not so sure. I thought about them the whole way over there!
"Don't tell me you think you're gettin' too fat now."
She speaks with a grandmotherly tone. She calls me one of her kids.
We ended up talking about me, how I was feeling, how I had this pain in my stomach/side..
She bagged my stuff and then said,"How about a hug?" I kept in my sobbing but a few tears leaked onto her shoulder..

I think that was way better than cinnamon rolls!
I love it when things like that happen, because for me, having the kind of morning I was,
I felt as though God was saying, "Can I give you a hug?" Thank You Lord. I love You.

My Mom and I leave for Grand Rapids tomorrow, stay in a hotel and then will be up early Thursday to be at Metro Health for my brother's outpatient surgery.
The cancerous lymph node in his neck will be removed.
We may or may not come home Thursday. Much depends on the weather.

Pray for Steve and Amy and their boys. Pray God will guide the surgeon's hands, eyes and heart as he works..

Oh and the tag, you're it Tina!

Page 56, line 5 states: And lo, from the Nile, there came up seven cows, sleek and fat." Genesis 41:2
That was the closest book, right next to the computer.
Did I do this right??
I liked yours better.

Saw Dr today about this stomach pain. I am taking a stomach acid reducing super duper jazzy pill, morning and night. This is what he calls "aggressive" approach, to quiet things down. If it isn't better in 7-10 days, then we will look at a CAT scan to see if something else is going on.
Makes sense. I am glad I went and happy to try something that is easy to do.

I'm staying off of the roof this winter, unless the snow is light and fluffy!!

He is faithful,

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