Monday, February 15, 2010


I know it's been a long time. I have been in a funk. Sad. A wee bit depressed. And last week, boy did I get the WORST sinus infection ever! I felt rotten. No one got the number of the truck that rolled over me either!

I have been scribbling in my journal more and posting less. That has been good. You wouldn't want to see in my journal anyhow. To be honest, I find it difficult to separate what I dump on to my journal pages and what I type here. I value transparency but privacy is wise when my heart aches.

Lately, I have been devouring Psalm 42. I write out the first two sentences, ponder on them and then write down what I think the Holy Spirit is telling me. I'm on verse 5 so far and have it "down."

Wanna see how it starts?

As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for Thee, O God.
My soul thirst for God, for the living God;
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me, "Where is your God?"

I love the start of verse 5:

Why are you in despair O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence.

Notice how he questions himself and why he is in despair, but then he self medicates:
He knows God will help him, not with a bail on his current conundrum, not with a 7-11 Big Gulp for his thirst, but with the help of His presence.

That simply slays me. I am so quick to want out. I want the pain to cease. I want the depression to lift. I want God to fix it. NOW. I need the problem to go away. This Psalm offers me a different path--while walking in pain and heartache, I can choose to hope in God, and when I do, I will be able to look back and praise Him because He was there the whole time.

Hope in God, for I shall again praise Him for the help of His presence. Wow.

My husband loves me. Pure and simple.
Hannah made the dean's list last semester!
I have been off my favorite diet soda drink for two weeks tomorrow! For all you who know me, that is B-I-G!
We visited Hannah's knee doc in Lansing and got lots of questions answered. Keep praying please--this is big deal surgery.
My son came and cooked the most incredible stir fry for Valentine's Day!!
Thanks Nathan--you are an amazing young man!
I often hear Rachie singing to herself---she has a voice like an angel! Such beauty!
Teresa blesses me with her piano playing--she has no idea how much my heart soars when I hear her play!
I am feeling better off the estrogen zapping drugs. Not so dog tired. I am grateful.
Learned the entire form for bow, in karate. A bow is a long stick. I've only whacked the lights in the living room 4 times---no broken ones yet!
Lord willing in August, Teresa, Rachel and I will earn our second degree black belt!

To all who are hurting, in pain, heartache, despair--

Hope in God,

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