I penned this today..after a worship time at our church...
I cannot help it..whenever I sing those three words, HOLY, HOLY, HOLY ---my hearts turns towards you. My brother. My flesh and blood. Received by my Father in Heaven. In Heaven.
You dear brother, are with the One I pray to, the One Who is worthy of all my worship.. Your eyes have beheld Him!
It is difficult to describe how knowing all that makes me feel. I miss you terribly but at the same instant, I am comforted because I know where you are and more importantly, Who you are with!
Part of worship for me has become a painful intimacy of sorts..
It's most searing when I want to share something with you that I've read, or done or to tell you how sad I am to hear of two friends this past week who are now fighting cancer..and I cannot dial your cell phone number any longer and hear your voice. You cannot read God's Word to me, pray for me, or admonish me like a brother. I miss that...
And then I think of your sons and all their achievements, birthdays and baptisms and life whizzin by, without your daddy's presence, taking it all in.
I cannot comfort them. And I don't have the answer to the question why...
Knowing your wife climbs into an empty bed, night after long night, also shatters my heart..She is so brave Steve. Her will to raise your sons is strong--but she never thought she'd be doing it without you..Oh Jesus, help her...bring her comfort, hope and peace..
When my heart feels like it is going to rupture with grief, I gaze down the aisle at Mom. Tears come easily to her, especially during worship. I know we worship all day long, but in church, the music offers a powerful prescription for our pain..I am comforted as I witness a mother, our mother, grieving for you but at the very same time, adoring her Saviour..the contents of my soul spill all over--I am a fool to try to hold it in...help me Jesus.
I am believing you can see her, see your wife and sons, see me---and I hold onto Hebrews, chapter 12, where it starts out, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses..."
Have you met all those mighty men of valor? Have you seen Moses and David? Did you meet Sarah and Abraham? I can only imagine here brother..but I think you are one of those heroes of faith, concerning what Hebrews talks of-- and I believe you are among the great clouds of witnesses...
I am believing most of all, that you, my little brother, have beheld Jesus...
And today, this moment, knowing that and believing that, brings me great hope and lasting peace, even though
my heart feels like it is breaking..
Holy, holy, holy, is the LORD GOD ALMIGHTY..
and is to come..(Rev. 4:8)
I miss you brother...