Thursday, July 21, 2011

Home sick

Coughing. Fevers. Chills. Medicine.
My family putting together a beautiful 16th birthday dinner for my Rachel, as I languish in bed--who could ask for anything more?

She has grown so Lord..please help her see how much You love her...
Thank you to all who shared God's treasures from His Word, with Rachel. She got a new scrapbook and I know all those cards are going in it!!

My list of gratitude swells. I may hit 1,000 by the end of summer, we'll see..
#619 God's mercy when I deserve death. See Eph. 2:1-8
#620 Breezes off of the lake on a scorching, blistering, hot day--glorious!
#621 Mom sitting next to me, reading the Word.
#622 Good, healthy lunches provided by You Lord, from my cleaning jobs this summer.
#623 Nathan's smile and his funny affection for Zippy, the guinea pig.
#624 Tim playing his banjo along with a computerized canned band-- and a Winnie the Pooh theme song, in my kitchen.
#625 Funny, odd, yet compassionate. Drs.

I scrawled this in my journal at the beach yesterday. Thank You Lord for breakthroughs..

"I am homesick Lord. Sick for Heaven, a place beyond human ability to grasp. I ache to see my brother's smile for real, and feel his strong arms around me.
I ache to see YOU Lord. To hear I pray, "Well done, thy good and faithful servant."

Psalm 42:1 says, "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for Thee O God."

That desperation I sense from this verse, has been coming out in me lately as restlessness. I compare what others have,
drive, live in, yards, bathroom floors, refrigerators, garages, nice looking woodpiles--clean windows..
A table that doesn't wiggle when you sit at it--all those THINGS tell me, like a soul barometer,
I am looking to these objects for my desires, the desperation, to be filled---if only they were mine or the way I wanted, then I'd be content. Full. Happy.

PLEASE help me--pry from my fingers, those tendrils curling around my heart--and allow me to experience
and KNOW
You are more than I need..

I've been getting up early, armed with my Bible and my journal. But then I sweep the mudroom floor. Gotta get those drifting bunches of dog hair you know, before the kids track it clear back to their bedrooms...
If I grab the broom to do that, then it's over.
My time with the King of the Universe, squandered for clean, dog hair less mudrooms..

Create in me a desperate thirst Lord.
The panting deer most likely didn't go straighten up it's deer-ish bungalow--it was panting, longing after that water to satisfy it's bring life quickly in gulpish slurping.."

Jesus answered and said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water shall thirst again; but whoever drinks of this water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.
John 4:13, 14

Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, "If any man is thirsty, let Him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scriptures said, "From his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water."
John 7: 37, 38

Now before you come to the conclusion I am against cleaning or being a good steward of your stuff. Halt.
I am not.
But what I am trying to explain, is that I have let all those items suffocate my ability to know and believe what(Who) truly satisfies--

Thank goodness for a week to contemplate, recover from sickness and have my two youngest at camp.

He is faithful,

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