Sunday, September 25, 2011

Be still

Breezes prickled my skin into goosebumps. Eyes weary from birthing and bleeding, cast furtive looks at the stars..My body jiggled and the guys got me into the body oozed out way too much blood -shock had set in and I desperately needed IV fluids..***
Now we knew what that door was meant for--the one in our bedroom, dropping off into the front yard. Only place a gurney would fit through--and we were grateful, my husband and I.

"Be still and know that I am God." Words gently, powerfully, tenderly applied to my mind, my heart, my mommy's soul. I heard them, in that still, small voice, spoken just for me. I actually did-- while I got jostled and bumped across my front yard. I knew the Spirit of God had spoken.
Be still and know that I am God..

Fast forward 7 years and I heard once more, that voice-- the One Who breathed life into my hopeless estate-- because I needed to hear it--cancer had come to my breasts--my body--the very vessel You used to bear children, under assault..cells dividing amuck. Fear strangled the life out of my soul..

You spoke again. This time, vividly I heard, "You are loved with an everlasting love." Hope grew like a sprout, but it grew. Oh it did..

My baby girl, the one birthed on that cool September night, when God spoke to her momma, is now 12.

I watched her eyes when she blew out the candles, sputtering over the entire 13x9 cake, and my mind whirred with consequent candles, cheeks puffed out from blowing..

Poof. Fast. Memories are squiggly things. Seems to my mommy's heart, they shift a tad. Some sear deep, sealing in hope--like bearing down hard, feeling your daughter pass through, having an ambulance ride to the hospital because a tiny piece of your placenta was sheered off during birth, feeling the blood seep out of your body and shock not caring really, that something monumental occurred.

Trauma did heal. Wounds did close. Blood remade itself. I marvel how that season, that fall, God spoke to me..I received a daughter and words from my Father in Heaven.

I look into my daughter's eyes, see her smile, I remember how good God is. Faithful.
Healing. Tender. Thank You Lord God for birthdays..

He is faithful,

***I did birth at home. Dr's said the same condition would have taken place there or a hospital.
1 in 13,000 women have placenta accreta; the placenta grows into the uterine wall (in my case clear through) resulting in severe hemorrhaging when it passes after the birth because it rips a hole in the uterus. I'm thankful it happened after my daughter was born and not during...I got great care at home and great care at the hospital. Not the turnout I had planned, but I would advocate for home birth again and again. If you don't get it, that's ok. You can still be my blogger friend....(smile)

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