Sunday, December 18, 2011

Pondered

Scripture states that "Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart." Luke2:19

Treasured here has the idea of gathering up your treasures and clutching them to your chest--not begrudgingly but tenderly, with wonderment.

Example:
Teresa played for her Christmas program Saturday night..
she looked absolutely stunning to me.. this beauty of mine, bowed and sat down and from her fingertips and heart-- the crowd heard What Child is This...
My child.
The one who stayed in the womb almost 2 weeks late.
The one who just had to touch my neck while she nursed.
Cheeks.
Tears.
Diapers.
Love poured out in days, months, heavens, years...
stealthy those years crept--
when I listened I saw a baby in my arms, felt a child on my lap and heard a young lady, playing SO well..

and I understood lately I've been pondering the ugly things.
Harboring harsh words written almost 2 years ago.
Run over--my heart crushed by a girl friend's death--and others with cancer returning.
Me, the blogger lady, letting death sting me, when Jesus took that stinger and ground it down to a nub.


I have life before me.
Lived out day after day.
Meals.
Messes.
LIFE.
I must live here.
The past with busted up relationships--I've given permission to taint my present.
I have forgiven honestly Lord.
And I trust Your timing.
I believe one day YOU will restore. YOU will heal. YOU will do so in YOUR time and
YOUR ways. I do so earnestly pray for this..and You know it well. You O God, know my heart and in this I must rest.


Truth treasures come softly tonight.
You come like a snowflake Lord, light and beautiful. Stunning.
I will ponder this.
I will gather up my daughter playing so well, and cherish her NOW.
I will remember the sunset glorious tonight.
I will continue to live here and be in this moment.
I will give my past pains and aches to You--the ones You've allowed for reasons I do not understand..

I will not allow them to choke the life out of me any longer.

Help me Lord to live in balance.
Loving those who have given up on loving me--
loving my family who is here, now, needing me,
being grateful in all circumstances, trials and heartaches--

and
treasuring
up
all
these things.



O Come let us adore Him-
O Come let us adore Him-
O come let us adore Him-
Christ the Lord.


You are faithful,
Bonnie

No comments: