Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Give me food/Jesus

Before I delve into this touchy subject of overeating--
I found this gem today:

"Our forgiving someone doesn't depend on them admitting guilt or apologizing.  If it did, most of us would never be able to do it. We can forgive no matter what the other person does."  

I am reading Made to Crave by Lysa Terkheurst  http://www.MadetoCrave.org
 Wow whee.
This woman and I are peas in a pod when it comes to how we view diets, weight gain, body image, how we think about standing on the scale, and gluttony.  She writes to me--to the woman who has struggled with her weight for years--to the woman who does not like what she sees in the mirror--to the woman who is sick and tired of caving to every Tom, Dick and Harry sized temptation there is headed my way--

She nails it.  Hard.

I was thin in high school because I played basketball and softball.  I ate like a piggy, but burned off everything. 

Then came college.  I not only gained the freshman 15 but the rest of the sophomore, junior and senior poundages..

Have you ever seen the quotation that says, "I eat to live, not live to eat" ?  
I lived to eat.  
I gorged myself on cookies from Q. Dairy.  I even ate all of my roommates box of Golden Grahams one night.  Felt guilty, so I quick ran out, bought a new box and even opened it, like it was before I consumed the entire box...
I ate even when it physically hurt to.


For the past 31 years, I have been up and down.  I exercise but then use it as an excuse to cram in extra calories.  I hear this teensy voice say, "You deserve it Bonnie, you worked SO hard!"  

Then I got cancer.  Some of the people who tried to help me, told me I had to go all organic. (I would think to myself, "are you paying for it?") Or I had to get rid of sugar.  Or I had to eat green stuff.  Bluck!

I just wanted to live through it.  All the while, however, I would turn to food to help me cope.
Or stuff my face to get me past another fear.  That only compounded the pounds...

When you are addicted to food, it's like a drug.  You go to it for a "fix." Just like a drug addict goes to his/her drug of choice for a high.  

I am learning now, by reading this book  s-l-o-w-l-y, that I crave something when I overeat. I am bored.  So I eat.  I am tired.  Eat.  Need comfort.  Eat.  Mad. Eat.
Her point in this book is God put cravings in us and those cravings are not bad---it's what we DO 
with them.

I am wanting to bust this wide open in my life.  I am tired of running to food to help me!
I know God is enough for me, then I go eat blah, blah or blah.  

It seems to me, because we have to eat to live, that we make it into the BIGGEST excuse ever, to embrace food, instead of God.

I am trying to eat healthier.. I buy organic when I can.  I eat more veggies and fruit than ever before.  I am now on day 6 of no sugar, for Lent. 
But I still tend to run towards the frig when I'm restless.  Or watching Biggest Loser.  :)
Or driving home from the grocery store with x-y or z in the seat next to me, snarfing it up to beat the band...

I like this book because it is unlike any other book on weight loss I have ever read.  It gets to the core of why and asks probing questions at the end of every chapter.  
And she makes me laugh out loud while I read!  

I am desiring to be fit, yes.  I want to lose 10-15 pounds. Please!   But what I really, truly want and desire, is to be molded into the image of Jesus Christ.  I want to be what Lysa calls a "Jesus girl." 

I'll keep you posted. 
No pun meant.

He is faithful,

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