Tuesday, October 23, 2012


X-ray last Monday. Gal from urology calling me Tuesday, telling me there were "no signs of calicifications" on it--translated: the 4mm kidney stone is GONE!

Now I know I didn't pass it.  Everyone tells me I "would have known."
I thought so too.
Over the weekend I just felt better.
I kept telling God, "God, if You can removed the stone from the grave, this little stone is NOTHING to You!"
It's not bossing God around, it's reminding Him of His power and might, of His deeds to men.
Moses did so.
Jehoshaphat too.
It's not so much about getting what I want but aligning my wants with His. This makes acceptance easier when He chooses to leave pain in my life--like He did Job, Jeremiah and Jesus.
Jesus prayed in the garden basically this: "Father, I'd like to take a pass on this cup of suffering" with drops of blood accompanying His angst and turmoil..He suffered while considering what was to come!
I love His words though, "not My will, but Yours."
He accepted His assignment and He knew what it entailed.

I need examples like these in my life.  Why?
A few ideas:
God did not choose to take away the cancer. "My cancer."  We prayed hard.
We fasted.  We sought out Godly people to pray for me and lay their hands on me. He choose to allow chemotherapy, radiation and tamoxifen into my life. Into all of our lives, because cancer isn't about one person, it's ripples are like tidal waves on the family--buffeting, beating and bowling over emotions, fraying nerves and igniting fears..
 I still had to walk through it--and I can say now, God  is faithful, God is powerful, God is comfort, God loves and cares for me
AMIDST suffering. Don't fall prey to believing you are falling short of God's will for you if your cancer is in it's final stages..if you are succumbing to death..He is with you dear one..He loves no matter what..

I can now comfort others with the comfort God has lavished on me.
I have 3 girlfriends walking through various stages of cancer right now--and I know how to pray for them. I know what to ask them, and I know what not to ask. I'm not perfect but I am thankful to be able to identify with them in their suffering.  I pray sections of Scripture for them and insert their names..it helps me stay grateful and grounded.

***sidebar*** My brother lives in Heaven now.  God chose to receive him and God chose to keep me here. This has been difficult to accept.  I know others still suffer and grieve and mourn his absence.  I do.
Mom does.  His family does.  I do know what it is like to lose a father to cancer.  I know what it's like to lose a sibling to cancer. I do not know WHY God still allows me to see my children face to face and Steve has to peer through glory.  I do not understand it..it hurts...yet I trust the One Who made this decision. I am ok with not having to know why--because I am resting in His will for me and believing He still has work for me to do here--but oh how I long to see my precious brother face to face..what a day that will be! ***

I can say, "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord." Job said that--right after he discovered all he had--livestock, children, houses GONE---boils were about to cover his entire body, friends came over to antagonized his faith and  question his circumstances s AND his wife told him to curse God and die. !!

I don't hate God.  Casting blame does nothing more than elevating ME and MY circumstances to a level of supreme, utmost importance.  Going nose to nose with the Creator over His plan for my life--insisting He is choosing wrongly for me--is like the clay telling the Potter what to do.  Trust the Potter.
Don't curse Him!  He loves you dear one!!

I can say thank You Lord, for taking away the kidney stone...You knew of Mom's upcoming heart surgery.
You knew I need to be all I can for her now.
You just knew.

I thank You God.
I praise You.
I trust You.


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