Friday, December 13, 2013

Hodge podge

I threw myself back onto the table, almost slamming my feet into my PT's face.
Mad! I had enlisted prayers of the saints, I had done all my exercises, I had prayed, trusted
God, and my dumb knee still only bent a measly 75 degrees..
I felt embarrassed and stupid.
I'm 52 years old, acting like toddler just told no..

Once more, I let myself fall into the pit of despair, the one I dug with my own shovel.
I do this when the result or the answer I wanted, isn't granted.

When my focus is on God and His sovereignty over my life, disappointment is a minor
Deal, not a pit dwelling experience. I can take all answers from Him and be content.

In the Psalms are great expressions of having disappointment and turning to God in it.

I like these words from Psalm 42--
"Why are you in despair O my soul?
And why have you become disturbed within me?
Hope in God, for I shall praise Him,
The help of my countenance, and my God."

Granted, not being able to bend a knee isn't a life shattering diagnosis.
It's a joint that's wanting to put down scar tissue faster than I'd like.
 Hope in God, not a certain degree of bend.
Hope in God, not in having a knee like so-n-so.
Hope in God, not results I cannot change.

I still would like 90degrees of bend. Today I realized I was placing
Far too much hope in a number, than in God. My little temper
Tantrum confirmed this.

I will choose faithfulness and focus on what I can do.

He is faithful

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