Friday, May 1, 2015

A slice of my life in March

Fear Not
“When I am afraid I will put my trust in Thee.” Psalm 56:3

Heading to the Dr's office, I was shaking with fear. My chest hurt. The pain radiated out from the center, and it hurt to breathe. I sat waiting for the nurse to call me in. All I could think of was this: “God is with me, do not be afraid.”

I kept repeating it, like a mantra. Honestly, my body wasn't buying it and continued to shake.
It wasn't until the EKG was pronounced “normal” and the lung xrays were clear, that my trembling subsided..

I felt like a child! This made me wonder what God truly means when He says “Do not be afraid” or “Do not fear.”

How do you do that? Do I say a verse over and over and over till whatever I'm fearing disappears?
Do I pray out loud? Do I tell my self words of truth? Do I cry out for help? Do I cry and melt into
a puddle of emotions?

The more I consider this, the more I need to understand two things: One: I am human and not a robot. Therefore I cannot turn off fear like a switch, especially when the circumstances are causing me great bodily pain.

Two: Not being afraid is more than a conscious declaration. Not being afraid is a cumulative, faith building, discipline that ultimately is rooted in the character of God. Not being afraid can be practiced as I experience life's trials, afflictions and pain.

Is it possible that when God tells me to not be afraid, He understands it may take me a few minutes?


Is it possible, when I am confronted with perplexing pain and discomfort, God understands my trembling limbs?


Do not be afraid. I think not being afraid is not giving in to the overwhelming flood. Not allowing my thoughts to run down the aisle, pitching a fit, because I may/may not have cancer causing the pain.
Not taking the time to pray. Not believing the truth of God's Word. Forgetting what God has wrought in my past. Neglecting to remember His character is steady, trustworthy and true.

Being is a state, a verb. I don't know the Hebrew or Greek tense, but I would guess it's present. Active. Ongoing. Not like a one time utterance of “Oh Bonnie God said do not be afraid, so quit it!”
More like a wrestling with fear and smacking it down for what it is, a thief and a liar!

The more moments I practice this, the more natural it becomes, even in unnatural situations, like your chest hurting and you thinking you are having a heart attack at the age of 53? Yes.

A bone scan is scheduled for next week. As I type, I am praying, I am believing God's Word, but fear lurks like a wild animal right next to my heart. I have been through this so many times I feel foolish for even telling you—but the last time I thought everything was going to be ok, I heard “it's cancer.”

“When I am afraid, I will put my trust in Thee.” Psalm 56:3
I like this because #1: It tells me the Psalm writer dealt with fear. #2He used it as an opportunity to trust God. When I put my trust in God, I am acknowledging to Him and myself, He is able to help me at that moment, and He provides me with strength and faith, not fear.

This is an act of faith, because I cannot see into my bones. I cannot tell why my ribs hurt. I want to believe the pain is the cartilage all inflamed like the Dr thinks, but what I really truly need to do?

Put my trust in God. He is faithful. He already knows. He loves me. And He will help me no matter what the results show.

Dear Jesus,
I tend to get so afraid. Help me to put my trust in You. You have made me so well, this I know. Yet I forget too quickly and instead of embracing You and Who You are, I wrestle with fear. You have not given me a spirit of fear, but one of power and love and sound mind. Help me believe this, by faith.
Help this to become a pattern I practice when I'm confronted with fear inducing situations in this life.
In Jesus Name, Amen

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